“Modern” men don’t shoot yourselves in the foot

I don’t care if we are living in the age of feminism and gender equality, we are not built like you. We can’t ignore or stamp down emotion, we will not feel and fail to express. We need to feel beautiful, wanted, secure and adored no matter how fast stereotypes are changing. Your sense of self will always come from another place and your needs are and always will be very different to our own.

We are more sensitive, not as and practical, hard to read, sexy and emotional, you are not meant to understand. We are different creature altogether and I don’t consider this a weaknesses. This is what a makes a woman. Women are the glue.

I will not apologise or morph into a man to feel validated and I will not turn an empathetic brain into a systemic brain to follow or make life easy for you. If you want a man, with the benefits of a woman, good luck with that but you won’t have it all.

Gentlemen who understand and appreciate the difference and know how to treat a lady like a lady…. winning.

Rise of the Cougar

We are in the age of the Cougar and I couldn’t be more chuffed, in fact I am one. I’m excited that women over 30 are looking fucking great and looking after themselves because when I was a kid a 30-40 year old mum was not hot.

Imagine my surprise 7 or so years ago when I broke up with my then partner and discovered the world of singledom for the first time since the age of 17. I have always been monogamous and have always had a steady boyfriend so suddenly being back, no scrap that, just being in the “available” category was a strange new experience at the age of 33.

I started going out with girlfriends and found out that thanks to some good Colombian genes, I look younger than I am (thanks mum), and the Cougar phenomenon, I was getting hit on a lot by younger men. The places I was frequenting were a nice mixture of ages so it wasn’t like I was the only 33 yr old in a room of young uns, but these were the only guys brave enough to approach.

Well young guys I really like you back. What is not to love?

• You are in your sexual prime, we are in our sexual prime.
• You are brave and brash, we are tired of men our age or older who stop making an effort.
• Young men are sweet, eager and not set in their ways, older men in general are.
• Young guys see an intelligent, sexy experienced woman, older men see a woman who is falling out of bloom.
• Younger guys aren’t out there with expectations or stereotypes about gender, or age for that matter.

Hey I don’t make the rules but in general that’s the way it seems to work and if mature men have headed for younger pastures since oh… forever, then why the hell shouldn’t we? I did and I’m not sorry.

DISCLAIMER before all the fabulous mature men, women with fabulous mature men or people who get along just fine with their same age partner out there complain, this post is not about you.

 

 

Whats on your Internet Dating Profile Mr?

So I’ve checked out men’s internet dating profiles with this post in mind for a while now. It all started a while back when I had the opportunity to help a girlfriend set up her profile on a popular dating site. what I discovered while looking for a potential man for her, is that men don’t quite get what attracts women to their profile.

Men are thinking like men and while their profiles are great, for finding a mate, a few things stand out that aren’t sending the message they think.

Here are some examples:

1. The Extreme Sports/gym Junkie

We love that you have an interest in being active and fit, but when your profile reads snow boarder, gym junkie, hiker, base jumper and surfer, and most of your photos reflect this, a woman is thinking “will I have to be participating in this exhausting, extreme schedule?” or “will I receive the time a relationship requires?”. Unless a woman is equally active and has the same lifestyle, it’s a slight turn off. I do realise that men are looking for a woman with the same interests, but across the board what I noticed is that a lot of men seem to have this type of profile or choose to focus on this to look interesting, you can’t all be Bear Grylls.

2. The Perennial Back Packer

Travelling and being worldly will make you fascinating but when it seems like you have just arrived and are getting ready to leave again, it looks like you aren’t quite ready to commit to a serious relationship or don’t have a view to settling down anywhere. This is particularly strange-looking when you are over 30. Most women are looking for love and a compatible partner not a long distance relationship.

3. The Party Animal 

It’s fun to go out and unwind but really? what is with all the photos with an alcoholic beverage in hand and your fifty friends at the pub?. It maybe a snapshot of a moment in time or it may be a boys club but since it’s on your dating profile, its being pondered upon.

4. The Business Man

Work function photos and focus on your career is great to include, just make sure it’s not the predominant theme on your profile. You don’t want to look like a workaholic, crazy networker, that’s what LinkedIn is for!

5. The Narcissist

Photos of naked torsos, flexing, glamor shots and heaven forbid “dickshots”…not as hot as you think. Leave something to the imagination! Confidence is attractive but douche-baggery is not… We may be partial to a fitted t-shirt or shirt though, Nice!

6. The Complainer

Woman bashing is never a good idea, you are trying to find a lady, do you even like girls? why rant about how women are bitches and have done you wrong? Yes I did see this on a few profiles, you will look like a resentful whiner.

7. Crap Photos

The secret to great profile photos is quality (I’m talking pixels and appearance) and being clear as to which person you actually are in the photo. You and 5 other guys in the photo= Unclear. The photos should be close up and/or a full body shots where you don’t look like a spec on the horizon. Don’t forget to look your spunky best.

4 to 5 photos is a good number to give a clear idea of what you actually look like.

Leave out the sunglasses, you may think you look like Tom Cruise in Top Gun with your Aviators, we can’t see your beautiful eyes.

8. That Guy

The one who digs up a photo with his ex and actually puts it on his dating profile or worse still cuts his still evident ex off at the shoulder or head. “Please”, we all have phones with cameras, women don’t need to be unimpressed with the lack of effort and tact.

9. The Photo of you 5-10 years ago

Do you really think we won’t notice the differences when we finally meet up with you in person? be honest you are trying to meet a lady who will like you for what you are now and I firmly believe that there is somebody for everybody.

10. The Generic Profile

Try to write your profile as you would if you were chatting to a woman, sparse profiles with not much to say and no photos will not get a second look, think about it, a woman is looking to see if she will date you and if there is nothing to see, it will seem as if you didn’t make an effort or just you aren’t that interesting.

11. The Bootycall/Hook up Guy

Most people want to find a potential partner with similar interests and sign up to date. If you are just wanting to hook up, have sex or just make friends, don’t waste people’s time. There are specific websites for that.

12. Date within your age Range

At the risk of offending a few of you, I’m gonna go there. A thirty-five to sixty year old man listing his preferred age range from 18-25…a bit strange. A ten year age gap or more is a risk, this may also be why you are single. Do you want to look superficial, scared of a woman your own age or like you are having a mid-life crisis?. The key to finding a compatible partner is to find someone with similar interests who is at the stage you are in life. And dammit women your age these days are looking fine!

Do mention family, hobby’s (in moderation) job (in moderation and the fact that you like to socialise (in moderation), tell us how you love your friends and If you have kids, don’t be shy to show you are a family guy too!

Offer tidbits about your personality and be open friendly, light-hearted and honest. Humor is very attractive so if you are a funny guy, let that shine through!

Talking about yourself might be awkward, so if you are having trouble, enlist a close female friend who can tell you how great you are and give you a better perspective of what to include and how a woman would react to it.

Lastly, highlight great personality traits such as humor, chivalry, kindness and reliability. All a woman is really looking for, a well-rounded guy that isn’t too much of this or too much of that just be your self, it’s always enough.

 

 

Photo by dennis crowley CC BY 2.0

The “look”

Every woman knows the look that can be confused for no other

Unmistakable in a man’s face telling her she is his favorite, most adored human

In it she can see herself reflected in the windows to his heart.

That reflection is admiration, love, passion, surety. This is where he wants to be.

A delightful unexpected jolt , or born from a curious ember

Gifted briefly or enduring through the decades

The look is everything, encompassing all unspoken words and feelings

She recognises the instant it dies, she is no longer the reason for his smile

Left to suffer the pain of it’s banishment,                         Leaving only a memory tattooed on her soul

 

How will you look at your girl tonight?

 

Photo by Tinou Bao “The Look of Love” CC BY 2.0

Please don’t do that Shit in front of Me

My post usually has a photo header but I couldn’t think of anything that would suit. Read on and find out why.

Just thought I might give a few pointers on stuff guys do that women are quasi or fully horrified by. These things aren’t relationship deal breakers or anything too important I’m lying she may leave you but there will be a disgusted look on your girlfriend/wife’s face and you may trigger her fight/flight response.

There comes a time in every relationship where niceties fly out the window and a certain level of relaxation seeps in to a relationship giving life to what I like to call a man’s “yuck factor”. The following go under the heading “please don’t do that shit in front of me”.

1. Zit or Blackhead Removal

I can’t I just really can’t. Yes it has to be done, yes we know you love it but no. The perfect time for this is after a hot shower when your pores are open and the gunk has softened, do it then – NOT IN FRONT OF ME …and hell no I wont do your back!. I am not one of those people who salivates at the sight of a big juicy blackhead and If your girl is, marry her now.

2. Gulping  drinks while Eating

I don’t know any woman who enjoys that sound. Unless you have just been rescued from a ten-day ordeal, stranded in the Sahara desert, please don’t do it in front of a woman. When I hear this sound, all I’m thinking is “you can’t possibly be that thirsty after every mouth-full” and the cray cray OCD part of me actually thinks you are impulsive and lack discipline because I measure out my drink to last through the meal (a little psycho, I know but I cant’ help it). Guys who do this usually finish their drink way before their meal and try to  drink their girlfriend’s, I don’t need to tell you what I think about that – stop yourself.

3. Toenail Clipping

Think of a hot sensual, sexy woman with lingerie on….is she clipping her toe nails? self-explanatory, moving on.

4. Farting

How do I put this, you will never be more unattractive to a woman than when you pose, lift one leg up and let one rip. Unless I am the type of woman who enjoys farts/farting in front of her man, please refrain. I totally understand a runaway but to take glee from expelling gas that has been inside your body hanging around poo in front of the woman you make love to is seriously not sexy.

5. Hocking one back and Spitting

Do you have pneumonia? no? then why are you polluting the environment and tasting your own snot, not to mention the finished product gleaming on the side-walk waiting for some poor sod to come walking past and getting your booger juice on their shoe? Grab a tissue and blow your nose, it’s that simple.

6. Package Adjusting

Women do understand that adjustments to male genitalia have to be made but in public?, In front of me? I  compare this to pulling your underwear out of your butt and almost everyone tries not to do that in public.

These may or may not apply to you or your  relationship but before you judge me on my judgmental attitude I will remind you that no man does these things when they first meet a girl and there is a good reason, you want to be seen in an attractive light. Why would this reasoning change years later? be the best version of you is what I’m saying.

DISCLAIMER: just in case my boyfriend reads this post,

“The disgusting habits depicted in this post are observations of male behavior accumulated by myself over 40 yrs. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.

What do you find disgusting?

Things Women Say that will make a Man Crap his Pants

1.“Can we talk?” 

This is definitely guaranteed to terrify… and that is the point. We want you to pay attention, we want you to start wondering what the hell you could have done in the last 24 hours  to awaken our wrath. It’s also fair warning that “relationship talk” is about to happen. No way around this one guys, this may call for some pant crapping.

2. ” Honey there is a sale on”

You are about to be out-of-pocket by a substantial amount. To us a sale means that whatever item, such as that bedazzled toilet brush we would have never thought to buy until we saw how reduced it was, will never be so discounted again! Every discount is a missed opportunity that will never present itself again in our life time, now you don’t want to be the cause of a missed once in a lifetime opportunity do you? Do you? (check her for crazy eyes right about now and slowly hand over the card/cash/wallet).

3. “Do you think I’ve gained weight?”

                         – I Look fat in this?

                         – I’m getting wrinkles?

Ah the answer is “no”, “no” and “hell no babe!” followed by you are the hottest woman who ever walked and will walk the planet. Even if she’s gained a little weight has a few laugh lines that weren’t there before, YOU have not noticed and don’t know what she’s on about in fact , look at her like she’s lost the plot.

4. “You used to do insert romantic activity here before, and don’t now” (whilst giving you a part disgusted, part sad, part “I’ll show you” look). If you start to hear this often, it means it’s on her mind. Believe me that one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship is when a woman starts feeling neglected. What ever activity she is saying no longer happens…make it happen.

Plan a date PRONTO and no that doesn’t mean asking her what she would like to eat tonight, it means make a booking, tell her not to make plans on Fri night and to look special. Start to compliment her again, give her flowers, her favorite chocolate bar etc… and do all the things you used to quite happy to do when you were dating. In a woman’s mind, there is no excuse for laziness and if you don’t make an effort, there will eventually be consequences.

5. “I’m fine”

when clearly, she is not. Look guys, this one is so cliché, but most men still don’t know how to navigate this treacherous stretch of death water.

Do not keep asking (you should know what you did)  and do not not do anything about it (the longer you wait to resolve this, the angrier she will become).

What you can do is tell her that you can see that she is clearly upset and that you are sure she has a valid reason. You want to resolve the issue but you are having trouble seeing what it is that is upsetting her but you are sorry she is upset. Let her know that you are ready to talk about it when she is ready. This puts the ball in your court. If she is angry because you don’t know then explain to her that women are more sensitive and men don’t think the same way, while you don’t understand, you don’t want her to continue being upset.

6. Do you think we/you should…

Yes we/you should. Women don’t want to discuss what they have already decided they want to do or how to do it. Just go along and be as helpful as you usually are you, sexy handyman you!

What words have you heard that scared the crap out of you?

 

 

 

What a Real Woman Thinks

So it’s a given that men and women spend a lot of time thinking about each other. In my own musings recently I noticed that men often describe their ideal women in a hypocritical confusing way. If you are a man and you can brave some truths, read on. If not, you have some growing up to do because this is how a real woman thinks.

 

“I can’t stand it when women wear tons of make-up”…yet when exactly that type walks past you, you turn into Linda Blair (The Exorcist)and your necks are capable of turning 360 degrees all of a sudden with no visible structural damage to your spine. And when your girlfriends go sans make-up and natural at home they have “let themselves go”???

“No man considers a loose woman as girlfriend/wife material”…then what’s up with the porn watching which is training your brain to become turned on and excited by a woman that will do and let you do anything to her body? The women chosen for porn have nothing in common with normal women at all that is why they are paid vast amounts of money (more than men in the industry) to do the job. They are “NOT” enjoying it. I would suggest that maybe this is teaching men to undervalue the excitement and newness of their relationships especially when the honeymoon phase is over, as they are always chasing a high that in reality should become a real burning love which is the natural evolution of a real relationship. Men are unaware that they are also physically not seeing a real representation of a woman. This may be shocking to many guys out there but boobs are not meant to stick out of your chest defying gravity and they are not meant to be perfectly round. Also vagina’s are just like penis’s, faces, eyes, hands, feet – everyone’s is different.

“Women who have casual sex or many sexual partners are perceived as easy”…perhaps the worst one of all. Considering that in the male world, the number of sexual encounters you have had is directly proportionate to how much “game”, “skill”, “swag”, “legendary status” etc… you have, why then would it be a turn off in a woman to act in the same way?

These examples are only a few, there are plenty more. I don’t want to offend men, I want you to “think”, I want you to know that we know and that today one woman chose not to ignore. I am aware that somehow I sound like a raging feminist for pointing out the obvious but  that is just it, I’m not a feminist just confused with the hypocrisy. And while the “men will be men” excuse exists, in today’s society women are not accepting this anymore, we want “real men” and real men have values that coincide with their actions. Are you one of them?

 

Photo by Ian D. Keating “The Art of Manliness” CC BY 2.0

Beauty and the… Handsome Prince?

We all know the story of Beauty and the Beast and lets face it, Beauty falls for the beast despite his appearance.

For the most part, women aren’t hung up on a man’s looks which is great for you but that is no reason to look terrible or age before you should.

Aesthetically aware men usually like to look after their bodies, eat well and style their hair and wardrobe, but most neglect their skin.

This post is for the guys that have never cleansed, exfoliated or moisturised. You will only need 2 products and 2 steps to look after your skin properly, the first step can be done in the shower so really, its not extra work Once you get into the routine it will just become a habit and your skin will look better or even great.

Step 1.Cleansing and Exfoliation

Most guys think that cleansing with soap or water does the job but while most body soaps are fine for your body, they leave your face feeling tight and itchy. This means you have stripped it of natural oil which keeps it supple. Exfoliation is the process of removing the dead skin. It’s needed because skin has a cycle where it sheds and new skin grows. Sometimes all the old skin doesn’t come off so it produces a rough feel and can cause clogged pores which means acne. Exfoliation can even help with ingrown hairs from shaving.

The shower is the perfect place for steam to open pores and for this step I recommend a visit to the body care section of your supermarket or department store to purchase a facial scrub, this is a cleanser that has tiny “sandy” particles so it also exfoliates. Try to choose one with sandy particles and not little beads ( you’ll know what I’m talking about when you get there)because its gentler. One I can recommend is Neutrogena Oil Free Acne Wash (pink grapefruit) its has a citrus smell so you won’t smell like a girl and the consistency is really fine. Exfoliation is not meant to be rough or leave your skin red or raw. Rub a small coin size amount on to your face. Use a circular motion and rinse. This is fine to do every day if gentle.

Step 2. Moisturising

 This step is simple also but it’s the one most men don’t like to bother with.

After cleansing and exfoliation, you need to return moisture back to the skin. From my experience, there is no need for expensive moisturisers and most cremes don’t make you look younger nor do they eliminate wrinkles no matter what they promise. Inexpensive Sorbolene Creme or a product such as Aveeno Daily Moisturising Lotion (preferably with no fragrance) will do nicely. If you can find something like this with SPF, that’s a double score and your skin will thank you in 20 years. We all know that dry skin and sunburn contribute to ageing and skin damage but the sun can also cause skin cancer so protect yourself. Both moisturisers I recommended are not oily so don’t be put off and they can be found in a supermarket or department store also.

I really hope you try this routine, It’s not only women who want to age well and look after their skin so start now and feel better when you age like Clooney!

 

Do you have a skin care regime?

 

Photo by Aveda Corporation Aveda Men Pure-formance™ Shave Cream and Dual Action Aftershave Launch

CC BY 2.0

The “Aha” moment

Many of us don’t realise that lots of problems between men and women are caused by the differences in which we communicate with each other.

Click on the table below and try to see if you have encountered any of these differences. The key here is to understand that since the differences are so great, maybe the way we interpret them is what causes the problems.

 Comparing the different methods of communication for men and women and what the usual outcome is, My “aha moment” was to realise that the result is my interpretation of my partner’s way of communicating and that I can change the way that I understand what he is saying or why. I can act accordingly if I keep in mind these differences.

Maybe your Girlfriend or wife isn’t actually saying what you think she is saying.

Click on the table

what do you see?

If You Are A Nice Guy, Click Here

Bad Boy

Nice Guy

 

 

 

 

I was browsing around at 1 am, as you do, and stumbled upon a brilliant post at One Gentleman’s Perspective titled A Good Man Is Not Hard To Find, If You Truly Desire One: II this insightful post addresses the all too common complaint that a good man is hard to find. The author urges women to ask themselves, are they a good woman? and suggests that they over look the good guys, who are out there, in favor of the bad boys who will get them nowhere.

Since this is a blog for men, I will give you my take from a woman’s perspective on the matter.

Brazilian Reader Are You There?

I just want to give a little shout out to my mysterious watcher in Brazil. If you are Brazilian and on this blog- Im talking to you

When She’s Into you, but you aren’t that Into Her

A recent visitor to my blog enjoyed my post 10 Signs She’s Into you and suggested I write a post for advice for men who aren’t that into her I found it lovely that he was concerned with how to go about it in a sensitive way and I realise that a lot of men don’t know how to do it.

30 Things Women find Sexy About Men

1. Your smile
2. Your shoulders and back
3. The little trail of hair that grows from your stomach down to your man wonderland
4. Your eyes when you give us “the look”
5. Your practicality
6. Your ability to fix things
7. Your voice
8. When you whisper something sexy
9. The feel of your hands
10. When you kiss our foreheads
11. When you kiss our hand
12. When you lead us into a room
13. When you introduce us proudly
14. When you touch our hair lovingly or grab it lustfully
15. When you put your hand on a wall, lean in and kiss us (sounds weird but it’s a classic hot guy move)
16. Your hair when you just come out of the shower
17. Stubble is sexy and so is a clean shave
18. When you wear a suit
19. When your shirt is slightly unbuttoned
20. Yep, your butt we look at it…quite a bit!
21. The smell of cologne on your skin
22. When you’ve just put on your jeans and have no shirt
23. When you hold our hand as you drive
24. When you’ve just had a haircut
25. When you are concentrating ( makes us want to distract you)
26. When you kiss our neck or shoulder
27. When you hug us from behind
28. When you can’t handle one more second of foreplay
29. When you grab our butt (yes we do, we all love it!)
30. When you give us your last or first bite

What do you love?

Photo by Oleh Slobodeniuk “Couple” CC BY 2.0

Wanna get out of the doghouse fast?

Apologise  This is probably the one thing men get wrong consistently. Most of you don’t even realise we are expecting an apology (If she looks angry, consider it a possibility) and those of you who do, wait too long to give it. Don’t drag it out by making excuses, nursing your pride and being stubborn, none of this will help you.

Guys, you’re cooking dinner tonight!

Invite her over for dinner, a dinner you cooked???

Now I do know that most guys are not that handy in the kitchen, through no fault of your own, “cooking” doesn’t feature heavily in “raising boys 101”.

I also realise there is not much on the market to teach men how to cook up simple and impressive meals. Just imagine yourself inviting over a hot date for dinner which you cooked yourself, oh yes boys, full brownie points to be had!

I’m going to give you a recipe and step-by step instructions (as if you had never stepped into a kitchen before, hence the long looking post) to make a fast and easy meal that looks like a chef made it but it was only little Ole you. It’s a Stir-fry and Rice, If you’ve had some cooking experience, you will breeze right through.

kissing Tips

The first kiss is a make or break for women, we love to reminisce about our first kiss and it gives us our most important impression of you determining whether there is a chemical attraction. It can be one of our fondest memories or it can become an “incident”.

If you’re wise, you should be a little nervous about this one. The good news is, nerves will add to the experience and once it’s over and successful, that’s when the good stuff starts.

Follow these tips:

10 Signs She’s In to You

So you’re really attracted to a woman but you don’t know if it’s mutual? I know it’s hard to tell whether you should approach or pursue but there are some clear signals she will send that can let you know that she’s in to you.

How to be a Smooth Operator

There is a reason James Bond is so sexy, he isn’t sleazy, just cool. Every woman has their favorite 007, yes we do discuss it, mine is Pierce Brosnan for obvious reasons.

The goal here is for you to meet women successfully and look good doing it. You just need to prepare a little, nothing wrong with a plan and trust me, some guys need one. Preparation can give you confidence which is majorly attractive.

Here are my tips

They’re just “effing” Flowers!

Very rarely do I wake up at 1am out of a deep sleep with an idea for a post. This must mean that its important!. If I leave this life and could impart one piece of advice to men for women “give her  flowers”. I suspect im needing some flowers in my life right now.

7 tips to appear Confident around Women

Confidence is a trait that women find attractive in men and quite often it’s the confident alpha male who will succeed in getting the girl. Believe me guys, not everyone is as confident as they look, but there are ways to look more confident than you feel.

Here are a 7 tips for appearing confident around women:

14 Great Date Ideas

Making a good impression on a first date or making it memorable is a difficult task. It’s tempting for a guy ,since you’re all practical minded, to be simple, safe and book a restaurant or go out for a coffee. Nothing wrong with that, safe is good but “stand-out” is better! Be original and take her somewhere unexpected.

6 Things that Turn women on

Men are visual creatures and can be turned on quite easily. Women take a little work and our attraction is somewhat connected to our emotions. It’s like sex, guys are pretty easy to arouse but women need foreplay but there is a kind of seduction that starts way before we are even thinking of having sex but that preps us to be in the mood as opposed to not. Even we may not realise the subtle things that turn us on.

Chivalry is the Difference

Chivalry will get you everywhere. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I don’t know the first woman who doesn’t like being treated in a special way. Here are a few things that you can do to impress the fairer sex. You will have seen most of these somewhere but you can’t really improve on classics.

5 Tips to Attract Women

Just as you have to look and act the part for a job interview, I would suggest to try the same for interaction with women. If you want to succeed in your career you make an effort so why wouldn’t you put your best foot forward for the ladies?

Here are 5 tips:

7 Mistakes Men make when Meeting Women

I’m a people watcher and I’ve watched you… try and stumble (not due to alcohol consumption), I’ve watched you try and stumble (due to alcohol consumption), agonize momentarily over a plan of attack, sweat over its imminent execution and set off on a myriad of attempts to get a girls attention.

What Women Want Today

Today’s woman is a little more complicated than yesterday’s, all the way back to Victorian times women had a different role in society and the man they wanted to be with was closely tied to the social and economic position they aspired to. Women seldom worked apart from home duties but in the middle to higher classes, they were educated to a certain extent. Today’s woman differs enormously and those stereotypes don’t apply now.