Things Women Say that will make a Man Crap his Pants

1.“Can we talk?” 

This is definitely guaranteed to terrify… and that is the point. We want you to pay attention, we want you to start wondering what the hell you could have done in the last 24 hours  to awaken our wrath. It’s also fair warning that “relationship talk” is about to happen. No way around this one guys, this may call for some pant crapping.

2. ” Honey there is a sale on”

You are about to be out-of-pocket by a substantial amount. To us a sale means that whatever item, such as that bedazzled toilet brush we would have never thought to buy until we saw how reduced it was, will never be so discounted again! Every discount is a missed opportunity that will never present itself again in our life time, now you don’t want to be the cause of a missed once in a lifetime opportunity do you? Do you? (check her for crazy eyes right about now and slowly hand over the card/cash/wallet).

3. “Do you think I’ve gained weight?”

                         – I Look fat in this?

                         – I’m getting wrinkles?

Ah the answer is “no”, “no” and “hell no babe!” followed by you are the hottest woman who ever walked and will walk the planet. Even if she’s gained a little weight has a few laugh lines that weren’t there before, YOU have not noticed and don’t know what she’s on about in fact , look at her like she’s lost the plot.

4. “You used to do insert romantic activity here before, and don’t now” (whilst giving you a part disgusted, part sad, part “I’ll show you” look). If you start to hear this often, it means it’s on her mind. Believe me that one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship is when a woman starts feeling neglected. What ever activity she is saying no longer happens…make it happen.

Plan a date PRONTO and no that doesn’t mean asking her what she would like to eat tonight, it means make a booking, tell her not to make plans on Fri night and to look special. Start to compliment her again, give her flowers, her favorite chocolate bar etc… and do all the things you used to quite happy to do when you were dating. In a woman’s mind, there is no excuse for laziness and if you don’t make an effort, there will eventually be consequences.

5. “I’m fine”

when clearly, she is not. Look guys, this one is so cliché, but most men still don’t know how to navigate this treacherous stretch of death water.

Do not keep asking (you should know what you did)  and do not not do anything about it (the longer you wait to resolve this, the angrier she will become).

What you can do is tell her that you can see that she is clearly upset and that you are sure she has a valid reason. You want to resolve the issue but you are having trouble seeing what it is that is upsetting her but you are sorry she is upset. Let her know that you are ready to talk about it when she is ready. This puts the ball in your court. If she is angry because you don’t know then explain to her that women are more sensitive and men don’t think the same way, while you don’t understand, you don’t want her to continue being upset.

6. Do you think we/you should…

Yes we/you should. Women don’t want to discuss what they have already decided they want to do or how to do it. Just go along and be as helpful as you usually are you, sexy handyman you!

What words have you heard that scared the crap out of you?




What a Real Woman Thinks

So it’s a given that men and women spend a lot of time thinking about each other. In my own musings recently I noticed that men often describe their ideal women in a hypocritical confusing way. If you are a man and you can brave some truths, read on. If not, you have some growing up to do because this is how a real woman thinks.


“I can’t stand it when women wear tons of make-up”…yet when exactly that type walks past you, you turn into Linda Blair (The Exorcist)and your necks are capable of turning 360 degrees all of a sudden with no visible structural damage to your spine. And when your girlfriends go sans make-up and natural at home they have “let themselves go”???

“No man considers a loose woman as girlfriend/wife material”…then what’s up with the porn watching which is training your brain to become turned on and excited by a woman that will do and let you do anything to her body? The women chosen for porn have nothing in common with normal women at all that is why they are paid vast amounts of money (more than men in the industry) to do the job. They are “NOT” enjoying it. I would suggest that maybe this is teaching men to undervalue the excitement and newness of their relationships especially when the honeymoon phase is over, as they are always chasing a high that in reality should become a real burning love which is the natural evolution of a real relationship. Men are unaware that they are also physically not seeing a real representation of a woman. This may be shocking to many guys out there but boobs are not meant to stick out of your chest defying gravity and they are not meant to be perfectly round. Also vagina’s are just like penis’s, faces, eyes, hands, feet – everyone’s is different.

“Women who have casual sex or many sexual partners are perceived as easy”…perhaps the worst one of all. Considering that in the male world, the number of sexual encounters you have had is directly proportionate to how much “game”, “skill”, “swag”, “legendary status” etc… you have, why then would it be a turn off in a woman to act in the same way?

These examples are only a few, there are plenty more. I don’t want to offend men, I want you to “think”, I want you to know that we know and that today one woman chose not to ignore. I am aware that somehow I sound like a raging feminist for pointing out the obvious but  that is just it, I’m not a feminist just confused with the hypocrisy. And while the “men will be men” excuse exists, in today’s society women are not accepting this anymore, we want “real men” and real men have values that coincide with their actions. Are you one of them?


Photo by Ian D. Keating “The Art of Manliness” CC BY 2.0