I was browsing around at 1 am, as you do, and stumbled upon a brilliant post at One Gentleman’s Perspective titled A Good Man Is Not Hard To Find, If You Truly Desire One: II this insightful post addresses the all too common complaint that a good man is hard to find. The author urges women to ask themselves, are they a good woman? and suggests that they over look the good guys, who are out there, in favor of the bad boys who will get them nowhere.
Since this is a blog for men, I will give you my take from a woman’s perspective on the matter.
Many “nice guys” cannot at one stage or another help feeling that they were over-looked by a woman for a “bad boy”, If this has happened to you I’m here to tell you that you were the one who lucked out.
A lot of women spend years of their lives chasing or trying to make lives with guys who will never give them what they need to be happy, in fact the opposite happens, they end up miserable or alone. I know many personally who are now finding themselves middle-aged, alone and bereft of suitable options because the pool of good men has now diminished or they still can’t seem to kick the habit of going after the losers.
I have observed 2 categories of women who seem to gravitate towards men who treat them disrespectfully, cheat, lie,manipulate etc… aka “bad boy”
The first is the woman with bad self-esteem. Somewhere in between girl and woman she lost her self-esteem or never developed it. She decided that if a guy looked unattainable, it made him valuable or sexier and once caught, it would make her “special”
All bad boys seem to possess mystery,charm, sex appeal and what seems to be gratifyingly intense focus on their target (while looking hotly uninterested). I suspect this is largely to make up for any lack of substance, integrity or genuine feelings. This type of woman will fall for the flattery and attention as it feeds her need.
The second is the woman who thinks she can fix and turn the bad boy into a nice guy. He becomes her project and the worse he treats her, the more she feels sorry for and makes excuses for him. She truly believes she will change him one day and will keep trying to do so because she will inevitably have invested too much time into the relationship to see it fail. Her self-worth is at stake because if she let’s go, it means she allowed herself to be mistreated and “for nothing”.
This is my message and advice to you, guys… you don’t want a woman like that. They will never be happy with a nice guy because they have too much emotional baggage, they will make sure that they make you as unhappy as they are themselves.
Let yourselves be chosen or choose the “Smart girl” who will have seen your value from the start. She will come along, not all women choose bad boys and not all women continue to do so. The ones who do, will begging for a nice guy one day and it will be too late because all that’s left are the losers who they used to date.