If You Are A Nice Guy, Click Here

21 Comments
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Bad Boy
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Nice Guy

 

 

 

 

I was browsing around at 1 am, as you do, and stumbled upon a brilliant post at One Gentleman’s Perspective titled A Good Man Is Not Hard To Find, If You Truly Desire One: II this insightful post addresses the all too common complaint that a good man is hard to find. The author urges women to ask themselves, are they a good woman? and suggests that they over look the good guys, who are out there, in favor of the bad boys who will get them nowhere.

Since this is a blog for men, I will give you my take from a woman’s perspective on the matter.

Many “nice guys” cannot at one stage or another help feeling that they were over-looked by a woman for a “bad boy”, If this has happened to you I’m here to tell you that you were the one who lucked out.

A lot of women spend years of their lives chasing or trying to make lives with guys who will never give them what they need to be happy, in fact the opposite happens, they end up miserable or alone. I know many personally who are now finding themselves middle-aged, alone and bereft of suitable options because the pool of good men has now diminished or they still can’t seem to kick the habit of going after the losers.

I have observed 2 categories of women who seem to gravitate towards men who treat them disrespectfully, cheat, lie,manipulate etc… aka “bad boy”

The first is the woman with bad self-esteem. Somewhere in between girl and woman she lost her self-esteem or never developed it. She decided that if a guy looked unattainable, it made him valuable or sexier and once caught, it would make her “special”

All bad boys seem to possess mystery,charm, sex appeal and what seems to be gratifyingly intense focus on their target (while looking hotly uninterested). I suspect this is largely to make up for any lack of substance, integrity or genuine feelings. This type of woman will fall for the flattery and attention as it feeds her need.

The second is the woman who thinks she can fix and turn the bad boy into a nice guy. He becomes her project and the worse he treats her, the more she feels sorry for and makes excuses for him. She truly believes she will change him one day and will keep trying to do so because she will inevitably have invested too much time into the relationship to see it fail. Her self-worth is at stake because if she let’s go, it means she allowed herself to be mistreated and “for nothing”.

This is my message and advice to you, guys… you don’t want a woman like that. They will never be happy with a nice guy because they have too much emotional baggage, they will make sure that they make you as unhappy as they are themselves.

Let yourselves be chosen or choose the “Smart girl” who will have seen your value from the start. She will come along, not all women choose bad boys and not all women continue to do so. The ones who do, will begging for a nice guy one day and it will be too late because all that’s left are the losers who they used to date.

 

 

Photo tagged “Nice Guy” by Kristina Alexanderson “04052014-may the force be with you 2014” CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Photo tagged “Bad Boy” by east_mountain “Mug-shot 1” CC BY-SA 2.0

 

21 thoughts on “If You Are A Nice Guy, Click Here”

  2. miss I have read your blog that time I have told you that I have a gf but in real I don’t.
    I met her on fb we exchange mobile no. we chat only she lives in Vietnam and me in India.
    so its only 1% chance we can meet.

    I think I m a good boy.
    and till now completed my graduation I have not dated a single girl.
    I have friends girl.
    but no one interested in me.

    I see all bad boys have gf and they treat there gf very badly it hurts me.

    what should I do help me.

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    1. Goldy, There doesn’t seem to be much chance that you will meet your friend soon but if you both work hard, one of you may be able to travel to see the other one day.
      I wouldn’t worry about how other boys treat girls badly, you keep being good and yourself, all women realise at some point that the bad boys are not worth it. Meanwhile just try to be a good friend and socialise as much as you can. I believe that there is always somebody for everybody and sooner or later someone will be interested. Maybe you can read some blogs like mine and get some good advice for letting a girl know that you are interested romantically.

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  3. Ooh, I’ve been thinking (not to worry no brain cells were harmed during this process)
    So my thought is that for you next post you should write about the role sex plays for a woman. Don’t kill the messenger, but I think men think of it more for the physical, rather than what it actually is. In reflecting and doing some light reading. I’ve come to the conclusion that even if we think of it as just sex, there are chemicals being released, Whether we agree or acknowledge it, our body is trying to bond with the other person. Perhaps some questions you could answer would be. What does sex mean to a woman? How has it been detrimental when a guy only focuses on the physical, especially when she sees it as more? How can we reclaim our bodies or our sexuality? How can we tap into it’s power, how can we become more sexual being? How can a man learn to understand and become more sensual with his partner?
    I’m just trowing out ideas, but I’m sure you get the picture. What do you think?

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    1. Vance thats a great idea, you know when I started the blog, my main objective was to write for men, my struggle has been picking the topics that you all want to hear about. Your idea is most welcome. And I may make a general shout out to my male readers for post inspiration. I will get around to this post idea but Ive had a busy week in the real world, you must know being a blogger yourself, it’s work lol!

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      2. Ok in keeping with your theme, I wrote a new post talking about “things to consider before your next relationship” Wrote it a few days ago, and it’s possible some of the things we’re talking about are in there. Oops just realized I totally forgot to give you credit for getting me thinking about this 😭

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  4. Awesome post Lizzie. When you expressed the two types of women, it was comparable to several comments I have shared, whenever the topic of relationships come about. A few minutes ago, I posted a reply comment to someone, in regard to why women remain with guys who abuse them. Self-esteem plays a huge role for many relationships, where you know the person should leave, but somehow refuses.

    They cannot see anyone but this person, wanting a relationship with them. With that deeply rooted concept embedded in their thoughts, they will remain and take everything this guy will dish out. Whether it is verbal or physical abuse, she will prefer remaining in his arms, versus the opposite…being single. The sad truth of the matter is that, the longer she remains with him, the lower her esteem goes. The lower her esteem goes, the stronger her grip latches onto him. It is a cycle of sorts. One I see often.

    Wonderful post here. Thank you very much for finding inspiration and then adding your perspective. We should do this often. Lol.

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    1. Thanks I appreciate that, I really wanted to do your post justice. I was hoping we had similar views so that the posts would compliment each other.
      I totally agree with that summation of the vicious cycle of low self esteem, that’s why a girls should be taught to love themselves before even thinking of the opposite sex.
      The thing is, once the self esteem issue becomes intertwined with the “type” of guy she learns to be attracted to,I believe environment plays a part in influencing “preferences”, identifying and breaking the pattern becomes less likely with time.
      I have a friend who “cannot” be attracted to a good man, she tries starting a relationship and starts to get bored or feels no spark. She is aware she has this pattern and has been hurt over and over. She is over 35 and is now at risk of not being able to have a family of her own. It’s a complicated issue for sure.
      On a lighter note, feel free to bounce off my posts if you find one inspirational as I did yours, Thanks

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  5. I agree that was a good post, I think it sparked quite a few good discussions on the topic. I had a discussion with one of my close female friends about nice guys a few months back. It was actually the difference between a nice guy and a good guy. A quick summary would be to imagine a continuum if you will, with a nice guy at one end, a bad boy at another end, and a good guy somewhere in the middle.
    People often talk about “nice guys finish last” but I think it has more to do with your attitude rather than anything else. So what constitutes a good guy, things like honesty, treating others with respect, caring, and loving are a given; nice guys have those qualities too. What makes a good guy different is that he’s that way without an ulterior motive. He treats you well because he thinks that’s the way people should be treated, not that you’re not special, but he doesn’t treat you that way because he expects something in return. Compare that to the guy who brings you flowers, waits on your every becking call, who actually hopes that by doing those things you’ll finally see that he’s boyfriend material. Add in assertiveness and boundaries, that sets a good guy apart. While a good guy will do things for you because he cares for you, he will not be completely self-sacrificing. Sometimes not every request can be granted. If something is beyond your capability, then you should say no, and he’s not afraid to speak up; basically he is not a doormat.
    The take away is that a good guy takes responsibility, he knows what he’s capable of, and does things just because, instead of because he’s hoping you’ll do something in return. You want a good guy, rather than a nice guy.
    That has some implications for what you’re talking about with the type of women you mentioned. Changing someone into a person you hope them to be, is similar to doing things because you’re hoping they’ll change the way they look at you. While it may hurt your feelings, who they were and how they felt about you generally isn’t going to change. Are there exceptions to the rule, are there people who started out as friends and ended up married? Yes those are probably the exceptions, in most cases the person already had the qualities you were seeking. Then with time you fostered a great friendship, and as that increased so did their attractiveness. But if you have vastly different qualities, are strongly un-attracted to each other, you don’t somehow become attracted to each other, and you’re qualities miraculously align.

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    1. wow, I wouldn’t dream of having tackled splitting “nice” and “good” on this post, I see what you mean about how they can differ. You can I assume I mean that they are the same. My nice guy is the good guy here otherwise I would have needed another 5 pages lol! Yes the original post was great and has sparked good conversation. Thanks for commenting Vance, as usual your comments are insightful.

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      1. I liked what you said about being better off if you were overlooked by some women. I was talking to my roommate, and we both feel as though women don’t give us a second look if we don’t say a certain type of career. It’s quite likely that because I live in Silicon Valley they have their eyes set on something higher. As I’m sure you can tell from my writing and my blog, I’m no dunce, and while I might not have an ideal career; even for my standards. It doesn’t mean that I’m not capable of getting one to support a family. After having a conversation with my friend, the one who explained nice guys vs. good guys. It dawned on me that based on the very specific caliber of woman I’m looking for, those women who seem to reject me, I’m better off because we’re not on the same ball park. When it comes to making a wise choice for a spouse, I’m in the majors while they’re playing stick ball.
        Of course I was rejected because I actually look like a troll, that’s very likely 😁, but my EGO tells me they’re ALL wrong

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      2. Lol ! Yes you are better off being ignored by materialistic women. I dont believe job description or pay should ever come into it. A person is not “their job” In australia girls aren’t really materialistic in general so aussie guys dont really have to worry about that

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      3. Hmm, so what I’m hearing is that I need to move back out of the U.S then 😔. While I enjoyed my time overseas, I don’t imagine moving again anytime soon, even if it’s in hopes of meeting someone not materialistic 😁

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      7. Im going to rename this post “The Good the Bad and the Ugly” he he he
        As for your chain letter,thanks for thinking of me,I think, It was sufficiently diabolically timed as this month my daughter is graduating so formal (prom in America) dinners, ceremonies, masses applications for Uni etc… have been at the forefront of my waking hours lately. I’m still in it so forgive me if I don’t do this right now I just hope neither your Or I get 7 yrs of “really bad something” if the chain is broken Lol You will have to explain though, do I write it on my blog and link to you or her? where is this logo? sorry I’m actually not awake yet.

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      8. Haha. I don’t think this chain letter threatens you with bad luck.

        Yeah, you’re supposed to post on your own blog with the rules and what-not. The logo you can find off my blog or with a Google images search.

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      9. So being relatively new to the blogging world, I have finally figured out that you were nominating me for the one lovely blog. Now that I know what it is, I thank-you for thinking of me…finally lol. In my defense I might have acquired a chain letter phobia from my Facebook or My Space days! and that was the thing that drew my eye in your message. Just for the record I dig your blog also.

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