So it’s a given that men and women spend a lot of time thinking about each other. In my own musings recently I noticed that men often describe their ideal women in a hypocritical confusing way. If you are a man and you can brave some truths, read on. If not, you have some growing up to do because this is how a real woman thinks.
“I can’t stand it when women wear tons of make-up”…yet when exactly that type walks past you, you turn into Linda Blair (The Exorcist)and your necks are capable of turning 360 degrees all of a sudden with no visible structural damage to your spine. And when your girlfriends go sans make-up and natural at home they have “let themselves go”???
“No man considers a loose woman as girlfriend/wife material”…then what’s up with the porn watching which is training your brain to become turned on and excited by a woman that will do and let you do anything to her body? The women chosen for porn have nothing in common with normal women at all that is why they are paid vast amounts of money (more than men in the industry) to do the job. They are “NOT” enjoying it. I would suggest that maybe this is teaching men to undervalue the excitement and newness of their relationships especially when the honeymoon phase is over, as they are always chasing a high that in reality should become a real burning love which is the natural evolution of a real relationship. Men are unaware that they are also physically not seeing a real representation of a woman. This may be shocking to many guys out there but boobs are not meant to stick out of your chest defying gravity and they are not meant to be perfectly round. Also vagina’s are just like penis’s, faces, eyes, hands, feet – everyone’s is different.
“Women who have casual sex or many sexual partners are perceived as easy”…perhaps the worst one of all. Considering that in the male world, the number of sexual encounters you have had is directly proportionate to how much “game”, “skill”, “swag”, “legendary status” etc… you have, why then would it be a turn off in a woman to act in the same way?
These examples are only a few, there are plenty more. I don’t want to offend men, I want you to “think”, I want you to know that we know and that today one woman chose not to ignore. I am aware that somehow I sound like a raging feminist for pointing out the obvious but that is just it, I’m not a feminist just confused with the hypocrisy. And while the “men will be men” excuse exists, in today’s society women are not accepting this anymore, we want “real men” and real men have values that coincide with their actions. Are you one of them?
askarealwoman.com 
exactly!!! Well said and THANK YOU for saying it!!!
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I’m working hard to become the best one I can!
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And we can only offer our best. Thanks for commenting.
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For me I will have to fall somewhere along the continuum of all the comments so far.
As for make-up I like make up that is less obvious. As someone pointed out “if you look like you’re auditioning to be a clown” I’ll find that unattractive. At the same time though, males are visual creatures, whether we find it attractive or not, the mention of a woman WILL turn our heads. Whether we like what we see or not, well that’s a different story. In that regard I feel that we’re still thinking with our animalistic side. Your perfume, colors, and what you wear will draw our attention. What happens after that is an entirely different story.
As for sex, sometimes it annoys me, I feel that it is a double standard, and women are sometimes complicit in this. I don’t agree with the general societal norm around sex, men can have more partners, while women are to stay pure. At the same time there are instances when a woman will use her sexuality to get something, and if she doesn’t, she feels she’s being unfairly treated. As I said I don’t agree with some of those standards, but I also believe that we’re both complacent in creating this environment we live in.
I think something else interested was identified here too. The false belief about women being “pure” held by some men, may result in unrealistic expectations, which may result in seperation. If we’re going into relationships not being realistic about who the other person is, after the honeymoon phase, something’s are just not “cute” anymore. While it’s just their ideas around sex, it could be an indicator that they’re wrong about a lot of other things to expect in marriage. Having too much priority on attractiveness and sexual chemistry could be a disaster. If you’re not putting more weight on shared faith, values, beliefs about marriage. You’re setting yourself up for disaster. I think that if you’re not asking yourself “is this the person I’M WILLING to battle through LIFE with?” We’ll be in big trouble later. A marriage is supposed to last through anything. Life itself is inherently hard, if we’re not discussing potential sources of conflict before marriage, then we’re reacting to life. Well that’s my 10 cents anyway 😀
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Thanks for your 10c Vance, lol I’m happy to see a guy fessing up to the “animalistic” I agree with your whole comment.
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Men and women have many differences and many similarities, and we all know that generalizations don’t apply to all members of a gender. But there are some truths behind them, or they wouldn’t exist.
But I have to agree with One Gentleman’s last line here. Why do some women want to take on characteristics of some men? Especially if they are the very characteristics that would seem to be among the ones that would turn women off from the men who display them.
Ignoring the makeup part from above which doesn’t really apply to men (my Goth days are long past :)), most of the above is about sexual attitudes. It’s not for me to say what is right or wrong, all I can ever really say is what is right or wrong for me and how I want to live my life.
I’ve never been one to sleep around, and I would like to think that has more to do with my thoughts around what sex is and what it means then anything else. In looking for a partner, I simply look for someone with a similar outlook.
There are many guys who play the field, but then are looking for someone who doesn’t. That’s definitely hypocritical, but is that the sort of guy that a girl is looking for? If so and she knows what she’s getting into, then she has no one to blame but herself.
I think it’s important to know yourself, and know what your beliefs are on things and then look for someone with similar beliefs. If that leads you to an open relationship, good for you. If it leads you to a monogamous relationship, great. It’s all about expectation.
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Lol I would pay to see the goth photo!
To answer your and One Gentleman’s question, women think of it this way, if a man is ready to commit, it doesn’t matter how many women he has slept with as he never looses his reputation like a woman would. Women do not make it a point to ask if men have had multiple partners and it’s not a priority to find a male virgin nor do we value virginity in a man highly (this is generally speaking and I’m defs not speaking for the religious) This may not be the reality, he may continue to like having multiple partners but it is assumed he will not once he commits. This seems to lessen the “yuk factor” for us.
Women however will likely carry the stigma for as long as their sexual past is known and I consider this unfair even though I am not partial to the lifestyle.
As for the girls who do like frequent casual sex, they will definitely not be the ones complaining if their boyfriend has done the same and it will not be an issue if they meet someone new.
I agree with your last paragraph, men and women have a hard enough time understanding each other without throwing mismatched beliefs and morals into the mix!
Thanks for the comment, I appreciate your view and One Gentleman’s
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A few more points then…
Some men (and women) in their earlier years have the conquest mentality, where they want to have as many partners as they can. Some people grow out of this and others don’t. One caution I would throw out to anyone who wants to listen is, what is someones motivation for a relationship? Is it because they have met someone else that they truly want to be with? Or is it because they feel it’s time to settle down? If it’s the latter, then I think the odds are stacked against that relationship from the beginning.
Peoples sexual histories are a tricky thing, and can be a difficult topic for many people. I have always had the philosophy that our experiences make us who we are, so I have never really wanted to know much about someones past (when it comes to dating and sexual exploits). I figured knowing that stuff may color my opinion of someone, so I would rather get to know them and judge them for who they are, or at least how I perceive them to be.
In retrospect that’s a bit naive, as the past has a way of coming back to haunt you.
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I do the same also and your advice is sound. I will add though that people cheat for many reasons and even people who don’t sleep around much may cheat so I don’t put too much on how many partners they have had as long as they weren’t cheating. If I do find out that there is a cheating history, I will be more wary. Wow that’s what makes it so hard to find someone ideal, there is so much to watch out for. We don’t realise just how much goes into picking someone, consciously or unconsciously.
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I cannot speak for all men, but from the males I encounter…
Make-up
They cannot stand when it is apparent. In other words, when the facial area looks as if she is preparing for her first clown performance. What a man considers “heavily made up,” is not the same as a woman, who gauges another woman and may understand natural make-up applications. A woman can apply several steps in the make-up process, yet the look appears natural. To a guy, since he does not grasp the intricacies of make-up as women do, he would say she is sans make-up. A woman on the other hand knows the difference between sans make-up, general application of make-up and going overboard.
Wife Material
I do not think most women can understand why a guy can easily distinct a random sexual act, as someone that only serves a purpose for the moment, versus someone he wants something more from. That is the key to this segment. It is not pornography that does this; a person’s understanding of value does. In other words, when people in general want a long-term commitment, there are things they will not overlook, which they would for a short-term fix. This same concept applies with males and females. My female friends will place more focus on ideals, if the person they seek is long-term, versus someone who is not.
Men as a whole, simply do not want to have a woman known sexually by everyone, as someone to solidify long-term. There are males who overlook her known status, but their frequencies usually match with these women. But for the majority of males, they prefer someone without this history. His desire to watch porn has no connection to his relationship as a whole. He may want to try out different moves, which he witnessed, but that does not play a role in his relationship as a whole. Being a “loose” woman does not equate to sexual greatness. Being “loose” simply means she has sex easily. This will never change, and honestly, it should not. We each serve a purpose in life.
Perceived as easy
I addressed this one on my blog. The premise begins with placing the act of sex involving males and females, as if they are on equal footing. That is why some women get upset with the double standard. However, they do not begin on equal footing. I know the policy of women getting into clubs free before a certain time, whereas men have to pay is not biased, for the sake of being bias. The sexes in that regard, do not begin on equal footing. Men will go wherever women are, therefore, you make the incentive for their participation, by having women present. Women are present, due to the incentive of entering the club, without having to pay. Their differences here are not equal, so I as a male, cannot say it is wrong that I have to pay, whereas she does not.
Women do not have to “try,” to make others have sex with her. Men on the other hand, well, the process is not the same. The degree of difficulty does not begin on equal footing, so if we begin the premise that it is–it is a faulty assessment. The process of sex occurring is vastly different for both. If she has sex with multiple people, due to this, it causes her to appear “easier.” If he has the same number of partners, he does not receive the same reference, because the process is more difficult. However, he will be labeled a “man whore” or “slut,” but he will not care. Usually, the woman will care. It does not make it right or wrong. They are simply different.
If a woman wants to have sex with a lot of men, no one is stopping her from doing this. However, there are consequences for our actions. That goes for men and women. Why do some women, want to take on characteristics of some men?
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Thanks for the bountiful repy lol, This post is a generalisation of comments and attitudes women around me and myself have encountered. It is not meant for the man who understands the nuances of make-up or who has an aversion to clowns ;).
Porn was mentioned because a lot of men are avoiding commitment these days in favor of instant gratification and easier emotional lives. Marriages are down and divorce is up. Porn and sexualisation of women contribute to this. This type of man will look for an easier partner if the one he has is expecting too much. Yes another generalisation but this is becoming more common and not only in men.
As for the consequences of being loose or easy to have sex with as you put it, It has consequences on a personal level but I refer to the social level where the variance in judgement between the sexes is ridiculous. Women or man, no one wants a partner that has had too many sexual partners, but men are still somewhat excused for their pasts, women usually are not.
To answer your question, and assuming it pertains to some women’s attitudes towards casual sex,having a preference for frequent casual sex is not a male characteristic it is a lifestyle choice for some women also regardless of what you and I think the consequences for them may be.
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Make-up
That’s the thing. Lol. The average guy cannot tell if she is wearing a lot of make-up, yet it appears natural, or if she wears less make-up, but the way she applied it makes it appear as a lot more.
The generalization I was trying to convey is that guys simply do not care for make-up, unless it is severely apparent. What women understand as apparent is vastly different from what he considers apparent. That’s why he says one thing, but reacts another way.
Men simply do not understand the process of make-up, and honestly, do not care as long as she does not look like a clown.
Porn
Porn does not attribute to men lacking interest for long-term relationships, nor will the “sexualization” of women. I am speaking generally here. Porn has been around for decades, prostitution has been around for centuries and strip clubs are a staple in countries.
We are exaggerating this sexualization of women, which creates this persona that men are animals in heat, view women only as “objects” or fear long-term commitment because a culture sexualizes adult women.
The sexualization makes sense when we talk about teaching young girls whom are unable to think for themselves, to wear inappropriate clothing, allow her to witness her single mother’s revolving door of partners, etc. I understand that angle, but that also occurs with young boys.
However, when we refer to sexualization with adult women in the media as an epidemic, completely overlooking that men are sexualized in the media to sell products/magazines, I have to call it out. In other words, if you only reference one, you overlook that it involves the other group, which proves it is not a conspiracy of sorts, but instead occurs because sex sells.
Sex sells everything, similar to controversy.
Sadly, there are other factors at play with his commitment, and it is not porn/sexualization. I cannot speak for all guys of course, but ask around if you desire. A guy does not want a “hoe” to be a housewife; however, he wants his wife to have sex by letting go of all inhibitions, with him. “Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets.”
You can be this way without having a promiscuous past.
Men avoid long-term commitment, because women allow them to have instant gratification. Why would you do extra for something that comes easily with less effort? That’s the reality in life as a whole. It’s the path of least resistance. Stop making men receive your goods and time, without any commitment/expectations/communication, etc.
Consequences of choices
The consequences I refer to are social. The social then trickles to the personal and other times, the personal will cause things to become societal norms. What I mentioned in the previous message explains why there is a difference. Men are not excused from their past, because women stigmatize “man-whores, cheaters, womanizers” because of their behavior.
Even with this negative stigma, the men do not care about the labels. However, women do, if they have this history. This is why you will usually only find, women addressing this topic with great concern. When I say male characteristics, I am basing this solely with the understanding that the initiation of sex, or the process of one group’s ability to have sex, is far easier than the other is. I then want to know why women would even care to be considered like men in this regard. This never made sense to my wife or me.
The real issue at hand is not that women, who act this way, care at all that men receive one set of treatment. Their issues subconsciously stem from not being able to blow off the labels like men. Men have no feelings for these terms in that regard–women do.
That, in my opinion is what angers women, thus the disdain for the existence of the double standard. We have to be honest here; there are countless double standards women benefit from, yet they do not say a word. Lol. Only if the double standard has a negative connotation for them, does it become a problem.
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Thanks for your view, I am aware that women also perpetuate their own double standards and that porn is not the sole cause of anything but I’ll leave that post to one of you guys lol.
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